Missing Solidarity

Daycare is expensive! I will be honest, when moving to a new area I forgot to consider this amongst the list of qualities to live comfortably with my 3 year old Kylie. I had a vague idea of how much a nice school would cost, but I could house Kylie in her own studio apartment with a month stock of groceries with some of these prices I've found. Do I settle for a mediocre school for now and do damage control when she's home or fork out the extra money? I have to decide. It's decisions like these that make me miss the solidarity that would comfort me as a mother. To just have some one with whom I could confer.

Missing something I never had.

I never had a tribe of people to fall back on when making decisions like these. I was raised with 3 sisters, the youngest and adopted. When I was pregnant I was happy and but harshly prejudged. I was regarded as naive. This was untrue. I felt complex feelings, enthusiasm and concern as any mother would at any age, younger or older. Even after having Kylie I received some gifts on occasion and complements but any glimmer or enthusiasm about my future seemed to dissipate from associates. It wasn't just my sisters judging me, but many non-mothers around me too. At 21 years old I had already experienced school while working and paying rent plus bills in an expensive city (NY). I knew I had the talent and skills to survive on my own and I was always the person encouraging others that they could anything the set out to do! It would have been great to feel support and enthusiasm but I just didn't get that a lot. So I became my own supporter.

How My Hair Became An Accidental Political Act

I was not trying to rebel, or to lead a counter culture of curly radicals by wearing my hair in its natural form but for some reason thats how some people receive me. To start, I would like to say I liked my hair straight when it appeared to be healthy, and yes I say 'appeared'. Deep conditioning could only fix so much heat and chemical damage. Getting trims routinely did help downsize my split ends but there was still something missing. I never felt like "myself" when styling my hair. I was curious about my unscathed hair texture.

My entire life until I was 22 I was told what to do with my hair. "You need a perm" was suggested to me by my mom or my hairstyling sister whenever my unprocessed roots would grow in. One day I decided to pick up a scissor and cut it all off. It was scary! I felt immediately free and sad. I admit I criticized myself somedays, dwelling on my previous hair length but remembering my goal kept me grounded. A miracle happen one day, I didn't care anymore! I'd receive tons of backhanded comments being the first in my family to try this. I was compared to celebrities with "wacky" hair styles and routinely stigmatized by strangers as a rebel, a feminist or "earthy". What is "earthy'? I don't know. I even had a white man say I reminded him of Erykah Badu. It was a reach. A comment from someone who favored Eurocentric beauty standards or someone who stereotyped me as an incense lover always opened a conversation about my hair. The who, what, and why was addressed and I wasn't afraid to set the record straight.  I didn't plan on having to teach and defend my decision but I have gained a lot from the curiosity of those brave enough to ask me about it. This in itself is a political act.

Femspiration: Tamera Mowry-Housley

There is something phenomenally beautiful about speaking out tearfully against cowards who bully celebs on social networks and big chopping all within a matter of days. Tamera Mowry-Housley, you rock!

To me she is a contemporary inspiration. I use the word contemporary because she is an example of a woman unafraid of progressive issues. She didn't pretend to ignore the racist comments from hateful people like many celebrities nor did she settle with wearing her hair straight and unhealthy to appeal to anyone else's standard. In my eyes, Tamera is a spokesperson for health and progression. She is a reminder to me that the only tradition is LOVE. Anything else is just a life preference.

P.S. Tamera looks super beautiful with her new hair cut!

My Lucille Ball Inspired Holiday Hair

 Hairspiration :)

Aiesha Arab Meets "The Film God" Q Oliver

It was a pleasure crossing paths with Atlanta based photographer Quintavius Oliver and his lovely wife Persephone. I sat down with the two for coffee a spoke about the Q's love for his darkroom, Persephone's love for audio books, and their shared admiration for the late great Helmut Newton. Read more and see what happened when Q turned his 35 mm camera on me.

How Beyonce Propels Political Pop Heroism

I cried tears today listening to a Beyonce song. I didn't cry in a fanatical way, although many obsess over the beauty and grace that composes the singer. Seamlessness is probably the best word to describe her public image but it was a very special feature other song "Flawless" that took me away.


Beyonce features Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a novelist and feminist from Nigeria. Adichie is charming, well spoken and an absolute representation of a true feminist. The idea of feminism is nothing radical but, her words and message pierce on the Hit Boy produced track of Beyonce's Visual Album. Adichie's message will reach far beyond her lectures at TED. She acknowledges that the word "feminist" is often defined as a group of women who are angry and with out husbands. This is not the true character of a feminist, it's an attack imposed by people afraid of true social equality between the genders. Beyonce's inclusion of Adichie's message is a huge step toward changing the unbalanced social attitudes towards women not just in the hip hop culture but across popular culture.

The Lyrics to "Flawless" featuring African Novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie 

It gets discouraging when you have feminist ideas and beliefs and no one wants to hear you out. They ask you to "relax" and think you're angry or thinking too much. It's a form of oppression. When it becomes normal and popular to be political, the entire culture will be a safer place, more pensive place. I think everyone deserves the same social opportunities.

The way men and women make excuses for how we openly degrade and limit women in society needs to stop. We shame single women and mothers and praise single men or men with "pretty" wives; Because she is weak for being a matriarch and he is strong for living vainly. Untrue and bias. Also how women are expected to seduce to get ahead in their careers and relationships; to "use what you have" to get ahead is so poor.

"We are all social beings. We internalize ideas from our socialization. Even the language we use in talking about marriage and relationships illustrates this. The language of marriage is often a language of ownership rather than a language of partnership. We use the word 'respect' to mean something a woman shows a man, but often not something a man shows a woman. "

Feminism is not an attack against men. I value and appreciate men 100%. I love many men including my dad and women like me push men unconditionally wanting to see men prevail but sadly a lot of men don't want to see women be very successful or more successful than them. The proof is in the overall attitudes in hip hop culture. I'm pushed but it's not the same push or pride behind it. My dad expressed to me my life and opportunities were limited now because I have a child - not in a malicious way but in a factual way because most people, in fact, would place limitations on me from the threshold of any of my ideas. Like many in similar circumstances, there are employers on top of that who judge and screen women for having children. Somehow you are deemed unreliable for being a single mother. Not worth the hire. It's the reason a single mom of color is stereotyped as a welfare queen. It would drive a normal person into depression.

I hope "Flawless" penetrates people's attitudes. I'm observant. I know that I'm sitting in a crooked room and rather than bend over I will sit up straight with strong posture. Hands down, Mrs. Carter has one of the most powerful influences over pop culture today. I'm looking forward to the continuing impact of feminist ideas and more acts like it. Thank you Beyonce and Chimananda Ngozi Adichie for making politics popular. We owe you.



We Should All Be Feminists - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Video Tutorial! My Egg White and Olive Oil Hair Mask

I'm about 5 days into my new hair color and to keep it healthy I'll be applying a mask to it at least once a week for the next 6 weeks. Today I tried an olive oil and egg white hair mask.

Watch the tutorial and get the list of things you need for it after the jump:

Going Bronze: Coloring My Natural Hair

5 Realizations About My First Years of Parenting

My childhood home had two medium sized bedrooms and at capacity housed 9 kids and adults. Thank goodness for basements, attics, sleepovers and my teenage siblings who grew into adulthood, getting their own places. I had 3 older sisters, and 4 nieces and nephews all before I thought about conceiving my daughter. I  bottle fed them all. Walked them to school, brushed their hair and even coached my oldest niece through social awkwardness.

I observed my mother toggle between totalitarian and authoritative parenting when dealing with my sister's and I'd imagine myself making those same decisions like, "I would've done that if I was mommy, too". Now for me being a mom of a 3 year old, I have come to realize there was nothing that could have really prepared me for motherhood. No matter how many familiar children I've had relationships with, there is nothing that teaches you like experience. Below are the realizations many will have to discover firsthand after entering the parenting threshold.