5 Realizations About My First Years of Parenting

My childhood home had two medium sized bedrooms and at capacity housed 9 kids and adults. Thank goodness for basements, attics, sleepovers and my teenage siblings who grew into adulthood, getting their own places. I had 3 older sisters, and 4 nieces and nephews all before I thought about conceiving my daughter. I  bottle fed them all. Walked them to school, brushed their hair and even coached my oldest niece through social awkwardness.

I observed my mother toggle between totalitarian and authoritative parenting when dealing with my sister's and I'd imagine myself making those same decisions like, "I would've done that if I was mommy, too". Now for me being a mom of a 3 year old, I have come to realize there was nothing that could have really prepared me for motherhood. No matter how many familiar children I've had relationships with, there is nothing that teaches you like experience. Below are the realizations many will have to discover firsthand after entering the parenting threshold.

1. At first, you just wing it. And that is all you really need to do.

There are no guidelines in the first year of parenting except to do what naturally comes to you. Every baby grows at a different rate, feeds differently and has their preferences. You will have an idea of what to expect from your child health wise and practice all of those habits and still figure out what works for you both. Bath times, feeding times, bed time and even poop all vary. Naturally, you get to know your your little angel and pick up on what system's are best for them and you.

2. Your network is more valuable than tangible gifts.

You will need help. Having a fork load of baby shower gifts feels instantly gratifying but, after baby pink or blue arrives, it will be the people that are available to help that will prove to be priceless. Mommy, you may need time to yourself if dad isn't around or just company at the grocery store so your toddler doesn't grab things off the shelf. The best kinds of friends are the ones that listen to your parenting concerns wholeheartedly. These are the people you want to keep in your extended family. They keep you focused on progressing and don't dismiss your imperial role as a mother.

3. Parenting is scary, but so are a lot of things.

There will be times you have to make snap decisions. Quick child care arrangements because you need to work and you see a change in your child's behavior. You instantly know its because when you weren't there they were around a bad influence. You may want to instantly quit your job and shelter your child from all the perils in society but this isn't practical. We made it in society, and our children will have to develop immunity towards negativity. The only way to do it is to let them be. Do not terrorize yourself with frightful thoughts. Be calm during pivotal parenting moments. After this you will realize it's necessary to be practical.

4. You will get A LOT of unwarranted advice.

Those that can't do, teach. You realize after a while that blocking out unwarranted parenting advice is what is healthiest for you. Your mom comments on your child's hair cut. Your neighbor thinks your child running is scary and disruptive. Even a stranger at a restaurant may have something to say about  your kid eating ketchup. SHUT THEM UP and if you can't, shut them out. 

5. You have to choose to progress, everyday.

Everyday you wake is another chance to remain humble and open minded. Keeping an open mind is key to progression. Choose progression. Be malleable to life's kooks and turns and you will be a successful parent. “Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.”

― Donna Ball