Finding My Identity After Becoming a Parent

Who am I now, after becoming a mother? I've been unsure. I can remember who I was before being a mom. Playful and bright, spending tons of time satisfying my curiosity. For a period I became protective over my space, my body and my daughter. Careful not exert energy into frivolous events, conservation got me through the weeks mentally. I've done this weeks and weeks at a time, and time moves along. This doesn't feel like ME. The question I was trying to answer is what is my parenting lifestyle? I've tried working 40 hours a week while Kylie went to school all day and also staying at home, they both have their deficits. Working that hard for other people feels aimless and lowers my sights. When you're at home with your child 24/7, you get consumed with cooking and cleaning. People also assume you "do nothing".

I've been thinking closely about who impacted me as a child, shaping my memories and character. It was a plethora of people responsible for my learning and adjusting. My mom was present but not overly present. The youngest of 4 she raised, she had already been through that rodeo 3 times. When I had time to think and act independently in my youth, I found my identity. Identity is important and I've accepted that my identity as a mom is an evolved version of who I used to be. I am more conservative in my approaches and still radical in my mind. There is something right about wanting to experience more. I no longer feel guilty about making efforts to separate my time with myself and with Kylie, pushing myself to widen my perspective. I feel happier. I am still on the journey toward finding my parenting identity. Since life is the summation of our daily experiences, a little daily effort is all I need.  

 "Life is a series of adjustments' -Pharrell Williams